(Talk given Jan 2015)
I often think of this life as a journey; a journey that we
are all taking just as Nephi, Lehi and his family took across land and ocean. We know we are trying to get the Promised
Land, we know we have the spirit with us as a constant companion just like those
of ancient times had the liahona. We
know that if we choose the right the spirit will always keep us in line with
our destination. And if we don’t we may
stray. Along this journey we are having experiences, hardships, moments of
glory and moments of trials- but we are learning- we are growing. We have the choice to live the gospel
throughout this journey as well as the choice to live it joyfully.
My journey began growing up as an air force brat. I moved a lot, at least every two years, but
I always had my twin sister by my side.
I loved it. I loved being able to change something about myself and
everyone knowing that THAT was who I was.
It was exciting and rejuvenating to me.
The first real poignant memory on my journey was when we
lived in England. I was eight or nine
years old and we were going to British schools.
I remember the kids in my class and getting a LOT of attention because
we were Americans; but more than that I remember the filth. I was taught through other children what
moral corruption was, and how it affected everyone around me. I knew the things were not right that some of
these children talked about as well as things they would do- I felt it because
the spirit was in my life. It helped me
recognize the journey I was on and what path I wanted to choose.
2 Nephi 17:13
And I will also be
your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so
be that ye shall keep my commandments;
wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards
the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led.
My journey continued through my preteen and teenage
years. At 15.5 my parents adopted my
youngest sister. We lived in Virginia
and she was born in Georgia. She was
born with many medical issues all because of the syndrome that was genetically
passed down to her called Treacher Collins.
I will never forget the day she arrived.
Three weeks old and my parents had brought her back in the middle of the
night. I remember walking up the stairs
of our Virginia home and turning the corner in the upstairs hallway. I saw lots of blinking lights; her room had a
strong hospital smell. There were
medical machines everywhere…but in the midst of it all there was this tiny little
baby that I instantly fell in love with.
She had a tracheotomy, she had a tube down her nose, she as missing ears
but yet she was perfect to me.
The reality of her situation hit over the next few
weeks. She needed to be fed every 2-4
hours through her ng tube, she had to have respiratory treatments, trach care,
and countless doctor’s appointments. She
needed constant care- my mother was 45 when Katie came into our home, and she
needed our help. Since my twin and I
were the oldest we took on a lot of responsibility with her. We would help as much as we could. Because of that I had my first real taste of
motherhood. Through serving her I
developed a love for her that she has yet to understand.
My journey continued.
I went to BYU and my boat began sailing on its own. My testimony grew as I spread my own wings
and began having spiritual experiences of my very own, fueled by my independent
choices. I began to understand who I
was- that I was TRULY a daughter of God.
Pres Uchtdorf
“It is good to remember that you are always a child of God. This
knowledge will carry you through the most difficult times in your life and will
inspire you to accomplish remarkable things.”
I began to truly find joy in living the commandments, in
going to church, fulfilling my calling and becoming converted.
Once you understand the true nature of God and His commandments,
you will also better understand yourselves and the divine purpose of your
existence. With this, your motivation for following the commandments changes,
and it becomes your heart’s desire to live the gospel joyfully.
For example, those who see attendance at Church meetings as a
personal way to increase their love of God, find peace, uplift others, seek the
Spirit, and renew their commitment to follow Jesus Christ will find a far
richer experience than those who simply put in their time sitting in a pew.
Sisters, it is very important that we attend our Sunday meetings, but
I’m fairly certain our Heavenly Father is even more concerned about our faith
and repentance than about attendance statistics.
“Walking in the path of discipleship does not need to be a
bitter experience. It “is sweet above all that is sweet.”8 It is not a burden that weighs us down. Discipleship lifts
our spirits and lightens our hearts. It inspires us with faith, hope, and
charity. It fills our spirits with light in times of darkness, and serenity
during times of sorrow.”
My Journey pressed forward. I found a worthy companion that I was able to
marry for Time and all eternity in the Winter Quarters Temple. We had the normal bumps of marriages, but for
the most part it’s been a smooth ride.
Children came quicker than we
anticipated- and they too brought their joys and hardships. I remember thinking motherhood was SO MUCH
HARDER than I thought it would be. I
remember a particular time when Andy started his first professional job in
downtown Houston. I had a little boy who
was almost about 13 months old with extremely blond hair and bright blue eyes.
We had just moved to a new city, we didn't know a soul and my
husband had just started a very stressful,
first, full-time professional accounting job. We went from
having him gone for a few hours at a time in class at school to gone long, very
long hours. Needless to say I was lonely. I was dealing with emotions
that were new for me and I was struggling. I found myself very sad and
crying a lot. Finally, after some time passed I remember kneeling down by
my bed and asking Heavenly Father for some comfort, asking him to help me feel
the love that I needed to feel at that time. In the next few seconds as I
continued to kneel I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and then distinctly
felt two hands on the back of my shoulders. I knew someone was there and
I knew it was a woman, but yet as I turned my head I saw no one. I felt
an immense love from her and somehow I knew I would meet her someday.
About two months later I found out I was pregnant. The very moment the
ultrasound technician said, "it's a girl!" I knew it was
that amazing woman who visited me.
I call these LTM's, "Little
Tender Mercies." They are numerous and they are always without
question messages from a Loving God who is real and who cares about me and my
individual needs.
He knew my
loneliness was to be short-lived, but yet He was loving enough to show me that
I was NOT alone in that very moment. Not
only was He watching over me but he had sent others to watch over me as
well.
My journey
through motherhood continued. We
welcomed more children into our home; each one with their own unique
personality, strengths and struggles.
As the
school years waxed on we had one particular child that was working so hard but
having little success in the classroom.
After some help from the school and some inspiration from on high we
figured out what was causing this child to have such a hard time. We began taking action in the best way we
knew how.
Throughout
this part of my journey I felt as though I was in the dark, only seeing
glimpses of light or understanding as to what we were to do. I started having angry thoughts as to why we
couldn’t help more, why we couldn’t see the path BRIGHTLY lit before us. I felt as though Heavenly Father was
withholding knowledge that would- in my eyes- be MUCH more useful if I had it
within my reach. In other words I
thought I knew best- better than Him.
One day
after having a good cry I knelt down to say a prayer. I prayed for strength, for guidance and for
clarity. I ended my prayer and opened my
scriptures- they opened up to these verses: (D&C 58: 3-4)
3- Ye cannot behold with your
natural eyes, for the present time the design of your God concerning those
things with shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much
tribulation.
4- For after much tribulation come
the blessings…the hour is not yet, but is night at hand.
Could that
possibly be a coincidence? Absolutely
not. As my children will attest- I do
not believe in coincidences. Soon after we began seeing that those small
glimpses of light were actually lighting the path and that we had to TRUST and
have FAITH that our Heavenly Father knew better than we did.
Elder Uchtdorf very wisely reminds us:
I think God knows something we don’t—things that are beyond our
capacity to comprehend! Our Father in Heaven is an eternal being whose
experience, wisdom, and intelligence are infinitely greater than ours.
I have
always felt strongly that we talk to our Heavenly Father through prayer and He
talks to us through His words- a lesson, a church article, but specifically the
scriptures. He has answered me directly
more through these scriptures than any other way.
I will
share one final stop on my journey and then close. 4.5 years ago when we moved into our home I bought
a picture of Christ sitting with children gathered all around Him. My intention was to put it up in our living
room, but it didn't fit the niche, so it ended up in the game room. It is
a rather large picture and the only one in the entire room. It has a
scripture on the wall right next to it that reads, "For where
your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Matthew 6:21.
Upon placing the picture there I felt there was great purpose in its
placement as I knew this would be the place of playing with toys, watching TV,
and ultimately where family time would take place.
A couple
of years ago in the afternoon hours I walked into the game room. Upon entering
I found my daughter Kaylee, who was 5 years old at the time, staring at this
picture on our wall. She was gazing so deeply she didn't move when I
first sat by her. I interrupted her gaze by gently asking, "Kaylee,
what are you doing?" She responded quietly, without breaking her intent
thinking and said, "Mom. I miss him." Quite taken back I said,
"You mean you remember Him?" She said, "Yes, he looks just
like that." Trying not to disturb her thoughts I sat back and
watched her look, stare and long for him. She then said, "I love him
and I want him to come back."
It is
moments like these that I can only wonder; Why? How? ;can one not believe.
Children are such an integral part of this amazing plan. They teach
and they KNOW. They know because they REMEMBER. I don't think the
knowledge of the spirit world is taken from them in one moment at birth, but
gradually, and every once in a while we get to have these beautiful moments of
their remembrance. Not only to remind them, but to remind US.
He is real. He is there and He WILL COME.
This
journey can be hard, painful and incredibly difficult, but it can also be
beautiful. As we live the gospel
joyfully we can see the beauty in all its vibrancy. We can feel the warmth of His love and as
Presidsent Uchtdorf testifies I too testify that:
“You are loved.
You are dear to your heavenly parents.
The infinite and eternal Creator of light and life knows you! He
is mindful of you. He is not waiting to love you until you have overcome your
weaknesses and bad habits. He loves you today with a full understanding of your
struggles.
And if we always
remember that His blessings are not locked up in a huge cloud in Heaven…
In reality, (He) is constantly raining blessings upon us. It is
our fear, doubt, and sin that, like an umbrella, (that) block these blessings
from reaching us.
His commandments are the loving instructions and the divine help
for us to close the umbrella so we can receive the shower of heavenly
blessings.
May we
live them. May we learn to love them and
the journey will be joyful- living the Gospel will make it joyful experience.
