Melancholy

Well, I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been feeling quite down since Friday.  If Audrie only knew how much energy I put into her alone she would never feel unloved.  Ever. 

 

The reality of school is hard and has hit full force.  I knew it was going to be hard and Audrie knew it was going to be hard, but I guess neither of us were emotionally ready yet because we are both struggling.  Friday she came home from school having ended up in tears in class over a test that she didn’t understand.  The teacher called me that afternoon and we talked, and she clearly doesn’t understand how difficult this is for her, but still very understanding.  Then Saturday we tried to do her review worksheet for the same class (math) and it turned into a nightmare.  She gets so frustrated and so unable to process what I’m trying to help her understand she actually shuts down.  Tyler tried to help her yesterday and they only got through three quarters of a page before they had to call it quits (she and I got through 1 page in about 1.5-2 hours). 

 

I’m listening to a book called the Dyslexia Empowerment plan written by a very successful dyslexic.  His entire perspective is extremely enlightening, but also disheartening to me.  He reads at a 5^th grade level….hated school, really struggled with the shame of dyslexia, but eventually embraced it and now advocates for children (and adults to a certain extent).  His theory is to embrace the fact that they will never be a proficient readers and to help them be successful through other means….such as audio textbooks, text to speech programs, etc.  Which is a hard pill for me to swallow.  There are so many elements of life that require reading that I am not sure I can embrace that thinking.  Don’t get me wrong I want nothing more than for her to be successful, but I want her to be able to read so desperately!

 

Anyway, I have had numerous answers telling me that all is going to work out, that this bit of her experience is only but a speck in eternity, but I still struggle.  I need to have more faith!  In fact I was praying last night to find some comfort in reading my scriptures and I opened up to D&C 127: 2, a famous scripture passage I am sure you all familiar with.  It’s when Joseph says, “…deep water is what I am wont to swim in.  It all has become a second nature to me; and I feel, like Paul, to glory in tribulation….for behold, and lo, I shall triumph over all my enemies, for the Lord God hath spoken it.”   The end of the verse was the part that gave me the comfort and reminder I needed, but then I turned the page and vs 4 is when I felt He spoke to my heart. “…let your diligence, and your perseverance, and patience, and your works be redoubled and you shall in nowise lose your reward, saith the Lord of Hosts.”  So I guess I need to redouble my efforts….which quite frankly just makes me tired.  It may have not been the answer I wanted, but an answer it is and I will do my best to follow His counsel. 

 

On a happier note, I was able to teach my lesson in decent fashion yesterday.  It was one Temple Blessings, and the sealing power.  I was a big BABY oh my goodness, I barely got 4 words out before I started blubbering.  But I’m pretty sure the spirit was felt by most in the room.  At the end of my lesson I likened a 9-11 story that I had never heard before to those waiting to be “rescued” on the other side.  You can check the story out here.  We have been “called” by our “Captain” to come and help people that are unable to help themselves.  It was pretty cool and had some great parallels. 

 

Andy received a new calling about 5 minutes before church started.  He is now a teachers quorum adviser.  Now it’s his turn to be in the youth program!  There are 22 teachers alone!  The bishop said how basically they are going to have to be a ‘YM presidency’ for each quorum, and for Andy to treat his calling as such.  It’s crazy that there are that many kids in that age group.

 

The Ford’s came down this weekend again so Cami could shop around for baby stuff in our community garage sale.  It was a lot of fun.  Rainy, but fun J  It was actually quite a bit cooler than it has been and Andy had to turn on the pool heater so everyone could get in while they were here. 

 

Anyway, the only other thing I can think of is that I canned 22 quarts of pears this week J  My canning cupboard is looking really pretty with all the different home canned items I have in there.  Peaches, pears and cherries!

 

Oh, one more thing.  Tomorrow is Audrie’s big 504 meeting (4pm), so if you guys don’t mind sending up a few prayers on Audrie’s behalf (well, and ours so we say the right things) then that would be really, really appreciated.

 

Sorry this was such a melancholy letter.  Hopefully I will be back to myself by next week’s letter!